Tales From a Second-Hand Wand Shoppe by Robert P. Wills (Books 1-5)
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Overview: Robert P. Wills is a newly retired U.S. Army Chief Warrant Officer Four. After 25 years of Army silliness, he decided that writing fantasy stories about unstable Gnomes was a logical career choice after writing intelligence reports for a living. Robert lives in the Central Florida area where he and his wife are enjoying empty-nesting and spending far too much time wandering around various theme parks. Well not Sea World because they yell at Robert when he pets the dolphins. At the dolphin petting pool. He doesn’t get it either.
Genre: Fantasy
They Were The Best of Gnomes, They Were The Worst of Gnomes [01]
Two Gnomes – Grimbledung and Drimblerod- are just trying to get along in life when their worlds collide. Drimblerod runs a moderately reputable Second Hand Wand Shop that does pretty well at moving inventory. Grimbledung runs a disreputable Second Hand Wand Wagon that he moves regularly to avoid the authorities. Everything changes when they combine their talents: City ordinances are broken. Neighbors are annoyed. The Constable becomes involved. Even the Magician’s Guild sends over some Enforcers to deal with them. Things are looking up for the Gnomes!
From multi-headed travelers looking for a good time, to Half-Orcs just trying to obey their mates, everyone seems to come to the Second Hand Wand Shoppe to either buy or sell a wand. Along for the ride are a neurotic Jousting Dummy, an immortal (so far) Rat, a Trolless who runs the Tavern and Restaurant across the street, a Dwarf next door with (alleged) Mob ties, and the Head Mistress of the local School of Magic (with definite Mob ties). Did we mention the Halfling Army that’s out for blood? They’ll have to deal with them as well!
Gnomes, and Halflings, and Assassins! Oh My! [02]
Aution is in ruins. Charred, smoldering ruins. The Gnomes, Rat, and Nulu make their way out to Big Julie’s School of Magic. They’re looking for a place to hide out until things cool down. News hasn’t spread about Grimbledung being responsible for the town-wide fire and the Gnomes want to keep it that way! The gang decides that a new town is in order, and Julesville is founded. Everything seems to be moving along nicely. Until a certain newly-unemployed werewolf, and a newly-put-out-of-business Haberdashery owner show up. With Akita and Pozzuoli in town, things aren’t looking good for Grimbledung. Fortunately for him, the impending Halfling invasion gets everyone’s attention. Bent on revenge against Grimbledung for cheating them out of razing Aution, a group of Halflings arrives in Julesville and declares Martial Law. Meanwhile, the Army of the Lord High Priest of Halflings masses on the other side of the Anti-Ogre Wall. Prost Garrison and Frank’s Keep prepare for the inevitable attack that they fully expect will wipe them out. Thanks to Grimbledung, the gang tricks the Halflings into leaving Julesville (intact even), repels the Halfling invasion, and restores peace to the lands. Well, not really those last two…
Here’s Looking For You, Grim [03]
Julesville’s destruction is averted! Things aren’t going so well for Grimbledung. On the run from his Halfling captors, he escapes to the Foreboding Forest, ending up at TreeTop City. Is being in the hands of cannibalistic Elves better than killer Halflings? More importantly- are the Elves going to be as sorry as the Halflings were when they dealt with Grimbledung? The odds are they will. Meanwhile, Grimbledung’s plan comes to fruition- the invading Halflings run headlong into Captain Frank’s forces out on the Great Shambler Plains. With Golems and Gargoyles in the mix, things are bound to work out. Aren’t they? While avoiding the marauding Halfings, Nulu, Rat, and Klank strike out to rescue Grimbledung. After all, family is family! Ignoring rumors of rabid Elves, cantankerous Minotaur, and even the occasional Centaur, the group runs headlong into the Foreboding Forest. As usual, things aren’t what they seem. Finding Grimbledung, the rescue party makes a mad dash for the safety of Julesville and run into a swarm of Pixies. Overcome by Pixie Madness, Grimbledung rushes to town in a Pixie rage. With unforeseen consequences. In the end, everyone is reunited, the Halflings are repelled. Are things FINALLY seem to be getting back to normal? Well, not really…
A New Hope [04]
A New Hope? Well, not really. Although things are going well for the gang now that the Halfling invasion has been repelled. Thanks to the now (probably) reformed Halfling Colossus being reunited with his long lost love, the Gnomess Cheri, Grimbledung’s very extended, very diverse family seems to be settling down for some much-needed rest. And, thanks to Grimbledung’s suggestion, Colossus is even working as a deputy for Constable Akita! To add to the mix, the wayward Magician’s Guild Enforcers have made amends and are now living peacefully in town as well. Everything is nice and peaceful. To celebrate,the citizens of Julesville decide to hold a Victory over Halflings celebration. Hoping to avert an Aution-eque disaster, Grimbledung is ordered NOT to have any part in the planning or execution of H-V Day. With things calming down- love is in the air! Akita and the mysterious owner of ‘Herbs and More. Much More’ become the most talked about secret in Julesville. The only ones not in on the secret? Well, Akita and Maca of course- they think they have the whole town fooled! Less secretively, Colossus and Cheri work on building a home someplace in town. Preferably that isn’t too close to Second-Hand Sorcery. Will the town accept a Halfling and a Gnome marrying? Probably once Grimbledung gets involved! Wanting the Gnomes to find respectable gals, Nulu sets them up with a couple of knockouts. Even though they should be completely out of their league, the females take a keen interest in them. And their shoppe. Is it love or something else? Are you kidding? Did you even READ the other books?? Of course it’s something else! Meanwhile, at the School of Magic, Big Julie has a theft problem and and even Akita can’t seem to find the culprit. At wit’s end, Big Julie hires Grimbledung to go undercover as a new transfer student to solve the mystery. Little does she know she has hired Grim Noir- private detective! Can Big Julie’s school survive Grimbledung’s antics? Will the culprit be found? With Grim Noir on the case, the odds are about even that things will work out. The V-H Day celebration begins after Julie’s mystery is solved. (See?) It goes off without a hitch. Until. Until Castor the Gargoyle inadvertently mentions visiting the Lost Picman’s mine- a fabled mine filled with gold, gems, and an untold number of wands to Grimbledung. Grimbledung develops avarice with a capital AHHH! After haranguing Drimblerod unmercifully, the pair head off in search of assured fortune, leaving their beloved wand shoppe in the capable hands of two Magician’s Guild Enforcers. What could go wrong?
Grimbledung and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Mine [05]
The Gnomes are on the road. This time they aren’t being chased! Well, maybe greed is riding shotgun but they’re the ones doing the chasing. Of untold fortune and glory. The Lost Picman’s Mine has long been the subject of bedtime stories and barroom chats. Or, in Grimbledung’s case, a casual mentioning by a certain Gargoyle. Either way, Grimbledung is absolutely positively sure he can find this long-lost mine. Without a map. Or good directions. Or any plan at all, really. To make matters more difficult, they keep running low on food. And directions. And maps. Or a plan. Back in town, the gang has their hands full when some carnivorous Elves arrive to reclaim their stolen spices. Or the town will get burned to the ground. With no sign of Grimbledung or way to contact him, things are looking as bad as they usually do. When they realize the spices might just be back in the shop, they go there hoping to find them. Meanwhile, the wand shop goes missing. All of it. Including the Magician’s Guild Enforcers. It seems that Liverioso’s long-lost love has been found and they’ve gone to find her. Shop and all. Oh, and spices as well. Just in case, the gang doesn’t have enough to do, it seems that an election is required to replace Big Julie, who had agreed to leave office once the threat of Halflings had passed. It has. But she’s still in office. Now crowds are gathering in front of her school, led by the mysterious Magnus Opus von Magnus. He’s demanding an election. And with a strange hold over the townsfolk, it looks like he will get his way. And since it’s in the title, Grimbledung’s mine turns out to be terrible, horrible, and no good. Oh and full of treasure as well. And occupied. Does it all work out? Sure it does! Happy endings is what we’re all about here at Second Hand Sorcery. Fine, maybe ‘happy’ is a strong word. How about a moderately pleasing ending? At least until those two dragons show up again.
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