Hot Damned series by Robyn Peterman (#1-4, 6)
Requirements: .ePUB/AZW3 Reader, 6.5 MB | Version: Retail
Overview: NYT and USA Today best selling author, Robyn Peterman writes because the people inside her head won’t leave her alone until she gives them life on paper. She writes snarky, sexy, funny paranormal and snarky, sexy, funny contemporaries.
Genre: Romance, Paranormal
Fashionably Dead (#1): Vampyres don’t exist. They absolutely do not exist.
At least I didn’t think they did ‘til I tried to quit smoking and ended up Undead. Who in the hell did I screw over in a former life that my getting healthy equates with dead?
Now I’m a Vampyre. Yes, we exist whether we want to or not. However, I have to admit, the perks aren’t bad. My girls no longer jiggle, my ass is higher than a kite and the latest Prada keeps finding its way to my wardrobe. On the downside, I’m stuck with an obscenely profane Guardian Angel who looks like Oprah and a Fairy Fighting Coach who’s teaching me to annihilate like the Terminator. To complicate matters, my libido has increased to Vampyric proportions and my attraction to a hotter than Satan’s underpants killer rogue Vampyre is not only dangerous . . . it’s possibly deadly. For real dead. Permanent death isn’t on my agenda. Avoiding him is my only option. Of course, since he thinks I’m his, it’s easier said than done. Like THAT’S not enough to deal with, all the other Vampyres think I’m some sort of Chosen One. Holy Hell, if I’m in charge of saving an entire race of blood suckers, the Undead are in for one hell of a ride.
Fashionably Dead Down Under (#2): Welcome to Hell. Literally.
The Hell where the Prince of Darkness is hotter than Hades, Hell Hounds smell like brownies and the Seven Deadly Sins are addicted to Facebook…Not to mention the soundtrack in the Underworld is Journey. For real.
I should have known no good could come from offing my parents in the space of twenty minutes no matter how psychotic and evil they were… Now I find out my family tree includes almost every deity and mythological being alive while Ethan, the one and only love of my undead life has a limited time down under before he turns to dust. In the land of Sin, you’d think I’d get some nookie time with my man, but no. Baby Demons, cousins and grandparents put the kibosh on that. Blue balls are the new normal. What the hell does a half-Vampyre Half-Demon have to do to catch a break?
Apparently find a freakin’ sword, calm Mother Nature’s unmedicated mood swings and make sure Mister Rogers keeps his sticky fingers to himself during weekly poker with the Devil. And I have three days to do it. By all that’s unholy, I thought Ethan’s Vampyre family was crazy…Trust me, they have nothing on the Demons.
Hell On Heels (#3): Where does a Demon go when she gets deported from Hell?
Kentucky. Eden, Kentucky to be more specific–where nothing is exactly as it seems.
My name is Dixie. I’m a Demon–a lousy Demon. I’m a twenty-one year old virgin and I have a battery operated boyfriend. My magic is iffy at best and downright dangerous at worst. Leaving Hell to represent my race is not high on my list of things to do.
Hell was exact. Hell was simple. All I want to do is get to home base with the hotter than Hades Demon of my dreams and work on my dark side so Satan, my dad, will get off my ass. Instead I end up in Kentucky looking for the Balance of Chaos, avoiding pole dancing classes with Mother Nature and finding out my invisible friend is a silver skinned destructive weather pattern. And if that isn’t craptastic enough, the damn Sword of Death is missing again and who ever has it wants the King of the Underworld dead. Seriously.
With new powers emerging daily, keeping my Demon side, horniness and general disgust under wraps doesn’t make it any easier to fit in with the humans. Thankfully my priorities are in line: get laid…save world…try not to blow up kitchen appliances…and get laid again. I was ready to rumble.All I want to do is go back to Hell, but with the balance of good and evil in my hands, I’m stuck in the garden of Eden. Oh well, what the Hell. Someone has to save the world before there’s no world left to save. Might as well be me.
Fashionably Dead in Diapers (#4): And I thought being half Vampyre/half Demon was hard…
That’s nothing compared to being a mother. Sweet baby Moses in a boob tube, there aren’t any books on raising True Immortals so let me give you a few tips…
~Make a map of every closet and bathroom in your home if you enjoy having sex. Sleep deprivation can cause confusion and a map will help if you only have seven minutes and thirty-one seconds. You’re welcome.
~Parenting books are useless if you’re not human. If your child is half Vampyre/ half Demon I would suggest not using parenting books at all–they can backfire like a mother humper. Trust me on this.
~Have sex.
~When your child tells you he has an imaginary friend, do not discount this as fantasy. Often times your child isn’t imagining anything. If he persists with alarming and violent stories about this fictional buddy it’s probably a Troll. Do a thorough search of your home and kill it. Decapitation works best. Some imaginary friends are harmless. However, it’s wise not to take chances.
~Have sex again.
~When in large crowds, make sure you hold tight to your child’s hand. Losing a child in an amusement park is terrifying. If you’re truly paranoid a parent could consider putting a chip in their child. If you do this don’t discuss it at dinner parties. People will think you’re weird.
~At least cuddle.
~Playing with dolls is fun. Being one? No so much. If your child ever finds a Genie in a bottle, flush it immediately. Many children wish for things that are very difficult to reverse…like being doll sized. If this happens, move to Oz. There are many people of small stature there. And yes, it really does exist.
~Find a closet and go to town.
Fashionably Hotter Than Hell (#6): What does a frustrated Vampyre do when the woman he’s chased for two hundred years is still trying to get away? He plays dirty, that’s what.
Welcome to my own personal Hell.
Name: Heathcliff.
Occupation: Vampyre Warrior—one of the deadliest in the world.
I plan. I fight. I win. Always.
However, it’s never taken me this damned long to get what I want before.
Only I would be blessed with a Vampyre mate I’d have to chase for two centuries. The chemistry between us is steamy and the sex is sizzling, but I want more—I want it all.
Now just as I’m finally wearing Raquel down, I find I have competition—not for my mate’s hand—but for her very existence.
Raquel may run and she may hide, but she is mine and I will no longer take no for an answer. Whatever is in the way between us doesn’t matter. We were made for each other.
Nothing anyone can do will change that simple fact…except maybe the Trolls…or the Wraiths…or the reclusive, insane Vampyre sister of my King who wants to drink my mate dry for reasons no one will freakin’ explain to me.
Damn it, I thought the chase was difficult…keeping Raquel alive might prove to be my undoing.
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Hot Damned #5: Here
Hot Damned #7: Here
Hot Damned #8-9.5, 11-12: Here
Hot Damned #10: Here
