Wizard’s Harem series by J Foster Ward (#1-2)
Requirements: .ePUB, .MOBI/.AZW reader, 1.2 MB
Overview: I’ve had a rich life in careers ranging from high-tech to law-enforcement but have always been drawn to writing.
Currently I am a part-time survivalist, gamer, web-designer and post-apocalyptic enthusiast. If I die in a doomsday the rest of you will have already been dead for weeks.
I reside in the chilly north, inside a boobytrapped apartment block with my gadgets, guns and cars while surrounded by the plague-ravaged survivors of a collapsing city.
Genre: Fiction > Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Ye Wizards’ Guide to Sacred Virgins (#1)
Sometime after the invention of gunpowder, magic became obsolete. While most folks stopped believing in wizards, elves and knights in shining armor, secret guilds of sorcerers never went away, preparing to control the world from behind the curtains. Inside their towers they plotted with spells, summoning spirits and a supply of hoarded ancient artifacts, trusting they could keep themselves nothing but myths until it was time was right.
Monsters, shapeshifters, demons, talking swords and magical potions retreated to the wild places of the world, to be considered only legends to the ‘civilized’ lands where printers, apothecaries and bankers became more powerful than warriors, warlocks and rogues.
Now, in the civilized city of Dolorn, with its university, shares in merchant ventures, elections and cannon-armed warships, the wizards of the Black Island stir up a war against their rivals in the southern city of Minandor. Among the newest apprentices of the Black Isle is a young man called Jackshaide.
Jaks isn’t like most men or even other apprentice wizards; maybe it’s the magic sword possessed by a demon he found in a junk shop, maybe it’s the fact he spent his childhood in the underverse, or maybe it’s just that he seems as irresistible to hot lady ghosts as he is to young sacred virgins and spirited highland girls.
Oh, but probably it’s the curse from before the dawn of time…
An ancient curse chooses Jaks as its avatar one night and just like that he must cross half the world on a spell-fuelled mission of murder, magic and mayhem. Somehow, he is the proud owner of an arcane artifact so powerful that wizards will soil their robes to get it back. Jaks will have to battle men and magical creatures in far-foreign parts where sorcery is still very real.
Put on your +1 underwear of protection from joy-pee, buff your one-handed skill and free up a spell slot for Bigby’s Fapping Hand, because it’s about to get medieval. Sexy, weird and hilariously medieval.
Ye Wizard’s Guide to Elfen Psychosis (#2)
Jakshaide is out of the burning hands and into the fireball.
Jak was happily married, well-educated at the Dolorn university, went to the Temple of Storm Bull on Sundays, and just got promoted at work from apprentice to journeyman. His life was on track, predictable… and boring. But good wizards make bad husbands.
To teach him this lesson a curse so ancient it has actually become sentient has fingered Jak as its servant for its long-con to awaken an even more ancient evil. And to do it, the curse needed to give him a little shove. Now Jak is wanted for murder, the Storm Bull cultists want his hide for deflowering their sacred virgin, and his former bosses – the dark Wizards of the Black Isle – want to stuff his screaming soul up the backside of a pain demon for stealing their most powerful book of spells.
So Jak is on the run, taking his assumed identity to the high seas among a crew of questionable cutthroats and their captain, a two-hundred-year-old sorcerer in a child’s body. Jak’s only advantage is his talent at magic and the demon that has possessed his hand with a mind of its own.
Then there’s the complicated matter of his love life. There are the two highland lasses who started as mercenary henchmen and are interested in more intimate partnerships. Not to mention the aforementioned former sacred virgin who’s learning to bless her own bullets – praise the Storm Bull and pass the ammunition. If that wasn’t bad enough the captain’s shinobi bride he won gambling would like Jak to forcibly change her marital status to ‘widow’.
Sailing deeper into a world where orcs and eldritch gods are real, Jak finds that his captain is almost certainly a mad escapee from his dream-plagued homeland. Most elves have retreated into an illusion where the pointy-eared dream stealers use you as a human battery when they aren’t busy banging rails of pixie dust so they can fly, literally. Trying to keep his past secret, Jak has to unravel the real mystery: what does his deranged child-master of a captain want?
Is it something hidden beneath the orc fortress of Gwahrl? Maybe a way inside the dream-plagued elven homeland where deathless elves can no longer tell illusion from reality? Or is that just another false lead? If Jak doesn’t figure it out soon their mad captain is going to get them all killed… or worse, sent on a blind date with his spinster aunt.
Put on your +1 prophylactic of protection, toss a bone to your wizard, and check your dump stat because this medieval world is leveling up.
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