5 Books by Celia Rivenbark
Requirements: ePUB reader, 1.6 mb
Overview: Celia Rivenbark was born and raised in Duplin County, NC, which had the distinction of being the nation’s number 1 producer of hogs and turkeys during a brief, magical moment in the early 1980s. Celia grew up in a small house in the country with a red barn out back that was populated by a couple of dozen lanky and unvaccinated cats. Her grandparents’ house, just across the ditch, had the first indoor plumbing in Teachey, NC and family lore swears that people came from miles around just to watch the toilet flush.
Genre: Memoir, Essays, Humor
Belle Weather: Mostly Sunny with a Chance of Scattered Hissy Fits and Conniptions: Hang on to your hats! We’re in for some fiercely funny weather and crackling-sharp observations from Celia Rivenbark, of whom USA Today has said, "Think Dave Barry with a female point of view." With her incomparable style and sassy southern wit, you’ll hear from Celia on the joys of remodeling Tara, how Harry Potter bitch-slaps Nancy Drew, Britney’s To-Do list: pick okra, cover that thang up, how rugby-playing lesbians torpedoed beach day, why French women suck at competitive eating, the truth about nature deficit disorder, the difference between cockroaches and water bugs, the beauty of Bedazzlers, and much, much more! Whether she’s doing her taxes or extolling the virtues of Madonna’s mothering skills, Celia Rivenbark will keep you laughing until the very last page.
Bless Your Heart, Tramp: And Other Southern Endearments: From the wickedly hilarious pen of Southern humorist Celia Rivenbark comes a collection of essays that brings to mind Dave Barry (in high heels) or Jeff Foxworthy (in a prom dress). Step into the wacky world of "womanless wedding" fund-raisers, in which Bubbas wear boas. Meet two sisters who fight rural boredom by washing Budweiser cans and cutting them into pieces to make clothing. Learn why the word snow sends any right-thinking Southerner careening to the Food Lion for extra loaves of bread and little else. Humor columnist and slightly crazed belle-by-birth Celia Rivenbark tackles these and other lard-laden subjects in Bless Your Heart, Tramp, a hilarious look at Southern—and just plain human—foibles, up-close and personal. So pour yourself a glass of sweet tea and curl up on the pie-azza with Bless Your Heart, Tramp.
We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier: Confessions of a Tarnished Southern Belle: Why couldn’t the Sopranos survive living down South? Simple. You can’t shoot a guy full of holes after eating chicken and pastry, spoon bread, okra, and tomatoes. What does a Southern woman consider grounds for divorce? When Daddy takes the kids out in public dressed in pajama tops and Tweety Bird swim socks. Again. What is the Southern woman’s opinion of a new "fat virus" theory? Bring it on! We’ve got a lot of skinny friends we need to sneeze on. Want to become honest-to-Jesus white trash? Spend two weeks’ salary on hair extensions and pancake makeup for your three-year-old so she can win a five-dollar trophy in the Wee Tiny Miss pageant and the adoration of, well, nobody much. What does the Southern woman think of Paul McCartney’s marriage to a model thirty years younger? We’re not surprised. Statistically speaking, it’s almost impossible for billionaires to discover that their soulmates are fifty-five and restocking the shampoo end caps at Kmart. In this wickedly funny follow-up to her bestselling Bless Your Heart, Tramp, Celia Rivenbark welcomes you, once again, to the south she loves, the land of "Mama and them’s," "precious and dahlin," and mommies who mow. Ya’ll come back now, you hear.
You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start in the Morning: From the author of the bestselling classics We’re Just Like You, Only Prettier, and Bless Your Heart, Tramp, comes a collection of essays so funny, you’ll shoot co’cola out of your nose. Topics include such gems as why Miss North Carolina is too nice to hate, how Gwyneth Paltrow wants to improve your pathetic life, Strapped for cash? Try cat whispering, Sex every night for a year? How do you wrap that?, Get yer Wassail on: It’s carolin’ time, Airlines serving up one hot mess, Action figure Jesus, Why Clay Aiken ain’t marrying your glandular daughter, and much more! Complete with a treasure trove of Celia Rivenbark’s genuine southern recipes, You Can’t Drink All Day if You Don’t Start in the Morning is sure to appeal to anyone who lives south of something.
You Don’t Sweat Much for a Fat Girl: Observations on Life from the Shallow End of the Pool: From the bestselling, award-winning author of You Can’t Drink All Day If You Don’t Start In The Morning, comes another collection of hilarious observations that will resonate with women, mothers, and girlfriends everywhere. In her newest wickedly irreverent humor collection, Celia Rivenbark cracks up while getting her downward facing dog on, pines for a world in which every mom gets to behave like Betty Draper and wonders why everybody’s so excited about the Science Fair when there aren’t even any rides. In it you’ll find essays on such topics as: Menopause Spurs Thoughts of Death and Turkey, I Dreamed a Dream That My Lashes Were Long, Twitter Woes: I’ve Got Plenty of Characters, Just No Character, Movie To-Do List: Cook Like Julia, Adopt Really Big Kid, Charlie Bit Your Finger? Good! And other thoughts on the virus that is YouTube, and much more! For any woman who longs for the good old days when Jane Fonda in legwarmers was the only one who saw you exercise, YOU DON’T SWEAT MUCH FOR A FAT GIRL is comfort food in book form.
Download Instructions:
http://festyy.com/wLLRGa
