2 Books by Ian Hutson
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Overview: Ian Hutson was born the third child of two, fifth in a family of four, in the fishing town of Grimsby, England. His father was a deep-sea trawler radio-operator turned Cold War spy, and his mother was a socialite and compulsive knitter of pullovers. Early childhood was spent in Hong Kong and Ian initially spoke only Cantonese, eventually learning to read and write English while living on the Isle of Lewis in the Outer Hebrides, Scotland. After a long and dreary career working for the Civil Service, followed by a long and dreary career working for a few filthy global corporations he now lives the life of a vegan hippie atheist peacenik church-mouse near a hedgerow in Lincolnshire.
Genre: Science Fiction
NGLND XPX
NGLND XPX was written to grab you by the ankle and drag you screaming into a world of funny and not so funny scifi-ish fiction, a soupcon of some dashed fine adventure and a spot of Ealing-esque farce.
Rub shoulders with robots carrying teddy bears issuing tablets of Commandments to chaps wandering out of the desert. Squirm in a grandstand seat during an Industrial Revolution completely re-written just to see the new-fangled steam trains running over well-intentioned children (no real harm done). Recognise your neighbours – polite English zombies coping with the dystopian hell of a socialist victory in the General Election. Man up, madam, and do your OAP National Service during the pensioner wars with an insect species. Watch in awe and not some little discomfort as Queen Elizabeth does the dishes for Europe and the Ministry of Defence quietly saves the world from a rogue comet.
No caricature is left unused. The science in the fiction is quite splendidly silly. This is a book to be read with tongue in cheek, preferably your own tongue and one of your own face cheeks unless you are very limber. The characters are as deep as summer puddles and the plots are as complicated as two planks of wood. Reality leaves the room on page one and farce enters just one chapter later. As literary feasts go this book is a paper bag of humbugs. It is the most fun that you can have with a librarian in the room without getting your ticket suspended.
The title NGLND XPX is a text message nod to Admiral Nelson’s splendidly rousing signal, sent just as a bit of a rumble that we now call The Battle of Trafalgar was about to begin in 1805 – ‘England expects that every man will do his duty.’ Admiral Nelson appears nowhere in this book.
The Cat Wore Electric Goggles
Twelve mildly amusing fictions in vague science from an old-fashioned English gentleman who believes wholeheartedly in the cast iron foundation of rocket ships, good manners and always firing a warning shot over the heads of any belligerent mob before sending in the memsahib to duff ’em up.
If variety is the spice of life then this collection is a damnably splendid curry of improbable human conditions and improbable human beings. The ingredients include a spot of gentle medieval scifi, proper rocket ships, alien invasion of England, secret government satellites crashing and releasing stockpiled dinosaur DNA, insane Cold War time travel, groovy Victorian orang-utans in space, the televising of England’s first Moon landing, a very rude first contact, young Mr Darwin’s explanation of evolution placed in startling juxtaposition to flora and fauna on a distant planet, one or two maritime ghosts, a terrifying new virus and a detective with a serious career problem. I refrain for obvious reasons from mentioning here the elderly ladies in fur bikinis, and the least said about the Austin-Morris Motor Car Company’s robotic labour relations the better. Suffice it to say that the man from the past isn’t happy, and all’s well that ends well, provided that you’re a whale.
You won’t be a better person for having read this collection, but you will have a very respectable frown and a ruddy good permanently raised eyebrow under which to secure your monocle. Life is such utter nonsense.
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