Bill, the Galatic Hero series by Harry Harrison (#1-#7)
Requirements: Epub reader, 1.42 Mb
Overview: Harry Harrison (born Henry Maxwell Dempsey) was an American science fiction author best known for his character the The Stainless Steel Rat and the novel Make Room! Make Room! (1966), the basis for the film Soylent Green (1973). He was also (with Brian W. Aldiss) co-president of the Birmingham Science Fiction Group.
Genre: Science Fiction, Humor
1. Bill, the Galactic Hero
It was the highest honor to defend the Empire against the dreaded Chingers, an enemy race of seven-foot-tall lizards. But Bill, a Technical Fertilizer Operator from a planet of farmers, wasn’t interested in honor-he was only interested in two things: his chosen career, and the shapely curves of Inga-Maria Calyphigia. Then a recruiting robot shanghaied him with knockout drops, and he came to in deep space, aboard the Empire warship Christine Keeler. And from there, things got even worse.
2. Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of the Robot Slaves
Bill would give his right arm to defend his Emperor against the alien Chingers – which is lucky seeing as he has two of them…
War demands sacrifices, and if you’ve lost one left arm, have an artificial foot and a set of nifty surgically-implanted tusks, it’s a small price to pay for the privilege of being a hero. And Bill knows all about heroism – as part of a motley crew his new task is to track down the source of Chinger-controlled metal dragons that are making mincemeat out of humans…
3. Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of Bottled Brains
Bill should know that you never complain in the Troopers. But when his new foot looks like turning into something green, scaly and abundantly clawed, a visit to the medics would seem to be reasonable. But before he can say ‘Quintiform computer error’ he seems to have got himself volunteered again, this time for a suicide mission on Tsuris – the planet nobody ever comes back from.
A number, exactly a billion in fact, of Tsurisians have no body at all to speak of, and reside in bottles, which as Bill remarks, is an awful lot of bottles. And Bill is going to need all the bottle he possesses to get himself out of this one…
4. Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of Tasteless Pleasure
BILL–the perfect Spaceship Trooper: big, brawny & brainwashed. BILL–the perfect hero: ready to go anywhere, do anything to save his own neck, which is probably the only part of his body that is still his own.
BILL–back in the Army Hospital for yet another transplant & looking forward to a spot of R&R (which every Trooper translates as Rutting & Rotgut) & some respite from his troublesome adventures.
BILL doesn’t have a hope. The nurses are steel robots, & he seems to have acquired a goat’s foot–not for luck–at least, not the good kind. & the goat’s foot seems to have acquired a goat-lady–the exceedingly demanding kind. She knows all about tasteless pleasure & she aims to teach Bill everything he never wanted to know.
5. Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of Zombie Vampires
BILL – the perfect Starship Trooper: big, brawny, and brainwashed. Possessor of two right arms (impressive when it comes to saluting) and a foot that is threatening to turn into something more suited to being an umbrella stand than anything that could be squeezed into a size 11 sneaker.
BILL – a perfect recruit for the good ship Bounty, bound for the Chinger war and carrying a cargo of as nice a company of homicidal misfits and maniacs as you could wish to meet outside of a penitentiary asylum (which is where they’ve just come from).
BILL, THE GALACTIC HERO – he’s back, he’s bad and about to meet the most hideous alien lifeform of his entire career. He’d do anything to save his skin without rocking the boat – but mutiny? On the Bounty?
6. Bill, the Galactic Hero on the Planet of the Hippies from Hell
BARWORLD! For all the years that BILL had served in the Troopers, with all the hard beds, hard heads & no creds, any booze on offer was probably embalming fluid, or worse. BARWORLD! An assignment there promised bubbly, brandy & beer galore–enough to give BILL’s right arms, both of them, at last some idea of just what they were for. But that was before Uncle Nancy’s Cross-Dressing Emporium & the Time/Space Resonation Nexus & the Hippy from Hell. They were enough to completely alter a person’s perceptions of reality &, like, totally bum him out.
7. Bill, the Galactic Hero: The Final Incoherent Adventure
BILL – the army’s made him what he is today – the perfect Starship Trooper, proud possessor of two right arms and a lockerful of feet suitable for every occasion.
BILL – this time he really put his foot (the Swiss-Army one with the special attachments, secret compartments, collapsible mess-kit and condom-dispenser) right in it.
BILL’s been volunteered to join a suicide squad run by Captain Cadaver to the well-known hell-hole planet of Eyerack. The orders are DEATH OR GLORY – and GLORY made a point of never returning the invitation to the war. So. Can this really be IT. The Long Goodbye? Zero Hour? Harmonicas at dawn? The end of a brilliantly undistinguished career of military mishaps? What can I tell you?
This IS BILL’s final incoherent adventure!
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